Hey friend remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty so the world needs YOU after all!
A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly. Wine can kiss a frosted glass. But u my friend can kiss my ass!
At this moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! pass on
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life.John came fifth he won a toaster
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??
Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than have a heart without U!
Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink. I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get
This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!
A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser!
Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!
i once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS.
I have the "I".I have the "L".I have the "O".I have the "V".I have the "E"... so pls can I have "U"?
Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!
Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot!
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful.We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!
Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!
I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION
Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?
You're Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you're becoming more like me everyday!
Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number!
Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh fuck im sorry i have the wrong number
NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off.
NEWSFLASH...scientists have made a breakthrough & discovered that the female gender carry intelligent cells.unfortunately 95% of them spit it out!
*NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!
*NEWFLASH* Snow white has been chucked out of Disney Land.She was reported to have pulled up her skirt sat on Pinocchio's face & shouted "LIE BASTARD LIE!"
*NEWSFLASH* A lepor was reported to have visited a prostitute.On his way out he said "KEEP THE TIP!"
*NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)
NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!
A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise
Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!
Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated
What kisses mean! KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!
He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... F***IN MOSQUITO
U picked me up.u took me home.u put ur hands around my waist.u took off my top den u put ur lips om mine.THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI.
Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!
i shall seek and find you.i shall take u to bed & control u.i will make u ache shake sweat until u grunt and groan.all my love, the flu X
Whats rough and hairy on the outside and soft and wet in the inside starts with C ends in T and has a U & a N in it? .... Answer - a coconut u pervert.
What is 10 inches long- 2inches thick and starts with a p??? A really good crap
It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea!
Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!
At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?
Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam
Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS?
Im bout 6inches long.Wen used im inserted in2 a warm moist hole & thrust in & out repeatedly until i leave behind a sticky white substance!WOT AM I?A toothbrush!
I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed
Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get the f... out my way!
I'm @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss
im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom
friendship is like pissing in your pants every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 bing the piss in my pants xxxx
girls are like phones.we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!
Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?
A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!
why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.
THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE!
A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"
Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where the fuck is my roof?
If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?
Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next?
God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!
4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!
3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds!
Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market!
Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!
